56 days have passed since I touched back down in Canada. Seems almost like I never left. Seems as though I didn't experience what I experienced. I didn't see what I saw. I didn't live that life halfway across the globe.
Reverse culture shock
, for me, was (is) a bizarre thing. I didn't have nightmares or flashbacks of my time in Burkina. I didn't accidentally start bartering with vendors in Canada, as is accustom to do in Burkina markets. I fell right back into routine, right back into Canadian culture. What got me was the reference library that now sits in my brain and that constantly floods my thoughts. Often when a conversation topic comes up - complaining about wait times in hospitals, for example - I can't help but think of my experience. I want to mention that Yako had (has) one doctor. That there are 6 doctors for every 100,000 people in the country - imagine the wait time to see a doctor there. When people talk about kids, it almost always triggers an image of a little girl selling me peanuts on a tray atop her head in the marketplace. Or I think of the kids in our courtyard playing in the dust until their feet are stained with a reddish hue - where will these kids be in 10 years?
I'm caught in between two ways of living - and I can't surrender to either side. I can't give up my Burkinabè experience, nor will I ever be able to forget my 'maternal culture'. I am also cautious of how I use my reference library. Often when discussions come up, I want to add my point of view, but my perspective is so limited. I have experienced but two cultures - that doesn't really qualify me to understand much.
I have been questioned countless times of how my trip was. I have a standard answer now: it was a good experience. I really don't know how my trip was, I don't think I have fully grasped its importance on my life - but my standard answer satisfies the curiosity of most. I appreciate when people want to know more, but few have sat in the corridors of my library and studied my newly published perspectives. Perhaps they are scared of what they will find - perhaps I have not completely opened it to my friends and family.
What is clear is that Burkina Faso changed me. From the outside perhaps I have hidden its affect, but internally I still search for clarity. Why tell you this? Life is full of experiences. I've lived my fair share, but nothing has been as impacting as Burkina. I have had my first hit of the drug that is life with all its new cultures, new shocks, new perspectives, new sadnesses, new joys, new hopes, new cynicisms. Being trapped in the bubble of
routine shields us from life's abundant diversity. Being afraid of life's painful realities scares us into the corner where we do anything to escape this truth. This experience was a reminder that it is best to step out from our corner of fear and feel something different. Feel something that may hurt, or that may do just the opposite. Life is best lived with passion, and this passion is fueled by the experiences that life presents.
Fascinating -- thanks for sharing. The last paragraph was particularly inspiring.
ReplyDeleteI don't really know what else to say, but I really appreciate that you're saying it -- not to mention wrestling with it -- and I'd be interested to hear what you find as you look for clarity.
:-) is all i can say, can't tell you i understand what you are going through because we all experience similar situations differently, with different perspectives. It is easy to slip back into routine, back into that familiar and comfortable space but for sure the memories and lives you came in contact with will forever live with you. You don't necessarily have to live life any differently from how you did before burkina, you don't necessarily have to shed your old habits instantly. What is important is you've added on to the little you know, you attained a different understanding to this all so interesting world we live in, and you have attained opened yourself to experience life within a community different from your own. you can take a zillion pictures to remind you of those days, but trust me my friend the greatest pictures are those that live with you, those that live within your memory that come back to you through random flash backs and in your language through a deja vu.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate this post so much, am absolutely PSYCHED that you're blogging again, and will take this as more preparation for my own experience with new cultures in Malawi!
ReplyDeleteI will echo Jon and Akua's comments and add that I agree with your last paragraph - It is instinctive and easy to be "scared into the corner," staying within our comfort zones while not experiencing life... but quite honestly I think that anything worth having is hard to get, which means opening yourself up to the cultures and experiences life has to offer!
PS. I want to sit in the corridors of the library and study your newly published perspectives (thoroughly enjoyed that analogy)!
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteI have nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award! Check it out: http://kylamckee.wordpress.com/2012/06/20/versatile-blogger-award-21-2/
ReplyDeleteI have to say that I agree with you. Its a feeling that never quite leaves. In the beginning for me, it was characteristic of looking for cows on the road, trying to barter, avoiding certain foods, not drinking tap water and all that fun stuff.. But then it faded a little bit and became more personal. I still have days where I look back and wonder where people are, what they're doing and how/if things have changed. Its those connections, memories, and ways of thinking that I relish and hope to never lose and that I think have helped shape me and encouraged me to continue..
ReplyDeleteI really like this post because I found the thoughts you expressed to be so honest, so sincere. One point that really hit home was that you have not yet grasped the trip's importance to your life. I still haven't figured out the exact importance of my trip to Nicaragua in 2009; all I know is that, somewhere along the way, without me explicitly realizing it, the trip changed me.
ReplyDeleteEvery experience you have contributes to the person you become and the direction in which life takes you.
Hey Kevin, thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteI'm new to this world of sharing and just the concept of making your thoughts and yourself so easily accessible to everyone you meet (or don't meet). I was reluctant and I still am to some extent. But recently, I see better reason- of which one is blogs like your own.
Few people like yourself who hold tight to their experiences and consciously share them can evoke so many emotions in a reader and really just encourage all of us to do something with our own experiences. It affects our mindset- and what's more important than that in improving how people will think, work and experience life? I am humbled by your experiences and really wish you the best in sharing with many more.